How Does One Enter a Forest?
The miracle of self discovery as seen through the lens of art is one of deep mystery and holds wonder for me to this day. The unfolding of the true self through expression acts as a mirror to self and all. Living artfully, as a contributor to of and in the world is our conscious responsibility as caretakers of the Earth—beginning to restore a level of reciprocity the world is so needing.
Creativity is like entering a forest, metaphorically—it involves deep listening, stillness, and attuning to subtle cues—a journey guided by an intuitive sense of knowing.
Like every character on a journey, I faced a dilemma. A crossroads where choosing one path inevitably leads to the abandonment of another. My dilemma centered around the profound realization that something I once cherished became a source of stress and fragmentation. Ever-seeking recognition, I began to define my identity and my worth through the “success” of my art practice. Plateaus of boredom, self-doubt, toxicity, and fear punctuated this journey of defining myself and others through the social stress climb of systemic art world and academic mania. Pervasive misalignment, masking, and weird soul slippage endured.
I found myself detached from my purpose as a creative, and consequently, from my true self. The artistic process, once a conduit for joy, presence, wonder, and alignment, had morphed into a cycle of force, driven by desires, impulses for personal gain, and vacillations between unhealthy emotional extremes. The purpose of creation bore no resemblance to its seed self. I had unwittingly become a product of external, programmed, mechanical, and faulty systems, and perpetuating them by not operating from my heart center. Questioning the systems in which I participated, this realization marked a need for action, as inaction was to abandon any principle of center. The internal wisdom that guided my creative flow was obstructed, masked, and distorted by systemic conditioning and clouded by egoic pursuit. When my body started to revolt in stress-induced exhaustion, burnout, and panic attacks, it was time to listen.
In response, I made a deliberate choice to pause—to delve into the root causes of my burnout with a profound inquiry into the contemplative aspect of creation. I left a job that was making me ill. I slowed all studio work and delved deeply into a writing, meditation and yogic practice. I walked, I hiked, I swam. I traveled to Greece and Turkey. I started to research how the brain works, and learned when the fear patterns wired in our brains to keep us safe are misapplied, they wreak havoc on our somatic bodies and, in turn, our creative practice.
By returning to the body, I slowly reintegrated with my creative path and purpose through Somatic Drawing. I understand my previous path came out of glorifying external value systems and chasing perfectionism, leading to internalized patterns of negative self-talk and low self-worth.
Stepping away from my daily grind and building this platform was the recalibration I needed. Can I help others who need the same? A space to question the why, what, how, who, and when of creative process. Why do we begin this journey? What, when, who, how, where is true creative voice? What impact does our creative process have on our minds, bodies, and souls? Are we contributing more than taking? How does our energy affect the Earth? Are we experiencing fulfillment at a level that resonates with our core knowing?
I enter the forest with space and silence. Deep listening as if my body itself is the studio. Entering the studio has always been a contemplative act. Sometimes, I listen all day, allowing myself to feel the energy and connection with the interior space—a space that is a constant companion. Space requires the freedom to breathe, to respond like a dream that continues even when we are not consciously participating. The studio, in my perception, is an energy field with its own frequency, always present, humming in the background. Stepping into this space requires alignment of diverse frequencies harmonizing. Attempting to control one over the other results in a blockage, much like being lucid in a dream or being carried away by the subconscious without the ability to recalibrate.
I now make work freely (and help others to) with a Somatic Drawing practice. I deliberately make messes. I love painting. I love video. I love sound. I love all the things. Taking a deliberate pause allowed me to reestablish an authentic connection with my intent.
Sometimes, a mere shift in perspective is essential to recalibrate intention and purpose. In essence, I began here, on a journey to meet myself again. I walk through the forest, in silence, with deep listening. I am happy you are here to join me.
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The seeds of my somatic drawing practice in Hong Kong. Find out more about me and why I draw.
